This is my 3rd year of homeschooling. And already, I wonder what I'm doing. I mean, I enjoy the planning, the gathering of resources, and even the "teaching". But it is so difficult, with 2 younger ones, not yet in school. My routine revolves more around my baby's teething and periodic household illnesses and my interruptive-almost-5 son, rather than around the schooling. I tell myself "it's OK"--and somewhere inside, I do believe it! For my reasons for homeschooling are less academic and more about character and spiritual training. And there's plenty of that going on around here these days!

And my daughter is lagging in math; it's not her strong subject. No, she is a reader though--and she loves it! And oh how creative she is as she builds lego structures and train tracks (for little brother) and as she colors and creates a world on paper...always with smiling people and a smiling sunshine! She is spiritually sensitive, always remembering to pray before dinnertime, to talk about Jesus and read her Bible. But back to math...as I teach new concepts, I can see that she isn't ready for them. And too much challenge shuts her down. She fights against handwriting--and it is, rather monotonous. "But also necessary" I tell her. And so we trudge on. A moment of lessons here, several minutes there, storytimes sprinkled throughout a "good" day. But on the bad days...I look back and wonder...did I "teach" anything? I know I taught obedience, we worked on speaking kindly and on patience...we talked about sharing with brothers and sisters...and after all, aren't these the reasons I homeschool?

Still, I am so weary of the daily fight; the struggle to "do" anything! The constant arguments (though brief) between siblings, and the unending laundry, and the meal times, just as I sit down for the first time...my hot tea turning cold before it gets drunk...the whining that inevitably follows my requests or commands. This is children...this is homeschooling. And it is hard--I read the blogs of older women who look back longingly at these years with young ones. For they miss their "babies" and the joys of elementary education! And I know I will too. But what I cling to is their wisdom, as they say "stay strong, this will pay off." And they know, because it has paid off for them already. But they remember these years of doubt and difficulty and distress, and so they remind us younger Mothers to keep going...to not fret the little dailies, the constant tending of our precious "fields", because it is over time that the harvest is reaped.