It is a relief to *feel* better. I can feel the weight lifting...I see a glimpse of sunlight at the end of the tunnel I've been in lately. The last few days (and weeks!) have been a struggle--as much as I love homeschooling my kids, it is also a strain. A responsibility. And when life gets overwhelming, it is difficult to keep up with. Sickness happens, busyness happens, holidays happen--and they all happen AT HOME. I cannot send my kids out of the home for school, while I attend to more pressing matters. No, rather, they must be with me, attending to the matters of "life" as we school. That is, actually, a benefit to homeschooling. But sometimes, it doesn't feel very beneficial! It is then that I must return to my philosophies and my priorities about schooling, and my reasons for schooling. And I believe it is vital to have these predetermined, for just such times as these!

In my particular case, I have a husband whose job takes him out of the home for 11-13 hours a day--not the typical 8-10 hours of a routine desk job. He doesn't get holiday weekends; in fact, he is only off Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day. So we don't have those extra rest periods to look forward to. And this is the first year he has those two days off! He hasn't had paid vacation time in a couple of years. His job doesn't offer lunch hours or break times and he is on his feet for most of these hours--so he comes home exhausted. I don't mean to whine--but--it is the reality we live with, and sometimes it gets to be more than either of us can deal with very well. When I am exhausted as well, and at the end of my rope, it makes for an unhappy household!! As much as he'd like to help with schooling, it is pretty much an impossibility, so, there are periods of time that the pressure gets to me. All the housework, all the meal prep, all the child-training, and all the schooling. It's a lot. But I also realize there are some who have it worse yet, even than I do.

Sometimes, ya gotta step back. That's part of my weekly "Thankful" posts...a reminder, to myself, to step back and be grateful, even in the midst of turmoil. Additionally, it is good to remember that anything worth having, is likely going to be difficult to come by. In the case of child-training, the easy way out is rarely the best or "right" way. More likely, it is the tough road, the one less travelled which makes all the difference (I must agree with Robert Frost on this point!).

And so, homeschooling is worthwhile, but it is not easy--I cannot send my kids off to be educated. I will not "have my life back" when my last child hits kindergarten. I don't have any homeschooling friends currently...so it is sometimes difficult to watch as they all send their kids off to school...and fill their days with tasks completed in solitude. With errands that are run, unfettered by small children! With lunch dates, if they desire...hobby time...whatever! My days will be filled with training and education and overflowing laundry and a house in constant disarray. A house full of little ones does not schedule as easily as an empty house does! Nor does it stay as clean.

But I am determined to enjoy having my kids around me (not necessarily every day, but most days anyway). For one day, they will leave our nest to build their own...and I know that I will miss them then. For they are my constant companions!! And, I can protect my children from outside influence for 8 hours a day...I can choose what they will learn, and what they will not learn (well, to a point). I can instill a Biblical worldview and save the secular, humanist worldview for when they are old enough to handle it. My children don't know what a fashion statement is...they don't know what an X-box is...they don't know what movies are out...what music is "cool"....and for now, I am grateful for this! Additionally, I can learn patience as I teach it...I can learn humility as I teach it...I can learn much from my children as they learn from me. I can do all the Nature studies with them, the History with them; I can read wonderful books with them...yes, there are many benefits of homeschooling. If only I can remember them during the tough and trying times. Like now. So I remind myself.

And now I am ready to face another week.

A *big* holiday weekend is over for another year--not only do we celebrate Thanksgiving, but my side of the family also celebrates Christmas while my younger brother and family are in town...and when extended family can schedule in a visit. This relieves our Christmastime schedule, but makes for a busy, busy Thanksgiving weekend! And so, with that behind me, I am ready to decorate for Christmas, to pull out my snowman dinnerware, and look forward to Advent season and all that it brings--and to spend our days reflecting on the hope, the peace, the love, and the joy of the Christmas Season, as we remember the birth of Our Lord.

Tomorrow we will have our daughter (15 months) dedicated during our church service--or rather--we, as her parents, will dedicate ourselves to her. I am excited to have all of my family present for this time, and my husband's mother will join us as well. AND, my older brother was ordained this year, so he will perform the ceremony (brief as it will be), with our Pastor joining in for prayer with us. This is my brother's first baby dedication, so it's special to me, that we are able to have him do this with our child. I am so proud of him, and it is an honor to have him dedicate our baby--and us--before Our Lord. He will also be preaching for the first time!! Very cool! So, it will be a neat Sunday, and I'm thankful that our family will be around us, in support of us, and of him.

Here I am...

Well, I've done it...I'm here. And ready to blog. :) I opened a blog once before. And then I learned an important lesson in the blogging world--DO NOT TELL ANYONE YOU KNOW. Why? Because you lose the ability to say what you want to say. You can be honest, but only to a point...you cannot mention names...you cannot be specific...you may not be able to be authentic in your writing, depending on who you shared your blog url with (like your family, your in-laws, your friends and *not* friends--guess how I know?). Sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers. A sad reality. And now, my reality! Privacy! Because no one knows.

My name, "midnight mom" was derived from the fact that I am generally online late at night--and other times as well--but, it is nighttime once my house is finally quiet. I have 3 children; ages (almost) 8 and (almost) 5, and 15 months. Girl, boy, girl. Nighttime is my solitude...and then there is sleep. Which is what I should be doing right now. But instead, I am opening a new blog. Because I prefer solitude to sleep.

And in that solitude, I feel an odd need to connect...to a world of strangers? To the masses online? To anyone and yet, to no one in particular...to simply be known, and yet, not really. More accurately, then, to have my heart be known, but not my face. Yes, that's it. There's a world full of us--nameless, faceless, miles and miles away--and yet--known by our hearts. By our written words. By our blogs.