The River Within...

"A writer desires to be known, as we all do. And so, a writer pours out his or her soul onto paper, expecting to one day be read. Whether before death or after, in inconsequential…there is simply the hope that one day, the words will live for someone else, the way that they lived in the soul of he or she who wrote them. There is often a river of emotion flowing deep within, and eventually, the river will flood the soul, if it is not given a way to escape. Perhaps they have wisdom to pass onto others, lessons learned; or perhaps they have fictional stories coming alive in their minds. Maybe it is song lyrics playing in their heads yearning to be matched to melody, or words of poetry springing to life as the world is viewed and experienced. Or it could simply be the passion of living, a longing to be set free with words, all that is in the heart. But whatever the reason, the waterfall of words cannot be stopped; the river within the soul of a writer will not be calmed; as long as words exist, the river will not run dry. These words deep within a writer will be like waves crashing against a river’s banks, until they are released by paper and pen, and offered to the world as tangible evidence of the writer’s existence. The words must find a way out so that the writer’s soul will not drown and be forever lost. Not everyone understands this, for not everyone is a writer; but it is true. No, it cannot be denied; for writing becomes a need to the soul, as water is a need to the body. And so if you long to write, then write, dear friend! Set free your words, release your soul, and be known. Find refreshment and joy in the waterfall of written words. Do not wait to wade deeply into the river of your soul!"

All about the love?

Sometimes I wonder what “the world” must think of us. You know who I’m talking about…all of us “Christians” running around flapping our gums about God and His laws and His love and Christian unity…singing about “victory in Jesus” (ironic, given our constant struggles with the same old stuff)…about His “amazing grace” (which we claim to have, yet cannot seem to share). We stand piously on our Bibles, on its verses, on the Ten Commandments; we sit Sunday after Sunday in our comfortable chairs (or cushioned pews) and we greet our friends, sing our songs, shout a few amens, and go home to live that victorious Christian life we’re all busy proclaiming we have (yelling at the kids all the way home…or fighting with our spouse over where we might eat lunch…or sharing the latest tidbits of ‘church gossip’ we just received that day).

But let’s step back for a moment. Do we really live that life? Do we really believe those words written in our Bibles? Let’s just take the familiar passage of 1 Corinthians 13. Yeah, you know the one; it’s the love chapter. We quote it all the time, use its words at all our weddings, and we hear sermons on it regularly. We probably even spout it to our kids when teaching them how to treat one another, and we sure like to pull those verses out to “share” with our spouses when we aren’t getting our way. Okay, maybe I’m the only one raising my hand.

Do you suppose we ever sound like a resounding gong (verse 1) with our empty words of “love”? Do you think God really meant for Paul to say that we could have the gift of prophecy and faith to move mountains, but without love, we are nothing (verse 2)? How about the next verse? Paul goes on to say, we could give all we possess to the poor, but if we have not love, we gain NOTHING. So, the act of “giving to the poor” in and of itself, apparently is not necessarily a sound demonstration of love. Hmmmm. Interesting.

And now for the really familiar words: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (Know any Christians who boast? Who are prideful? Yes, this is a trick question, because inevitably someone else’s name will pop into your head, as it does mine—and then POW, we are dangerously close to that whole pride/boasting thing after all! Ever been envious of anyone else? No? Good! Then you are actually happy for your friends/neighbors/family when they get new furniture while your shabby and dated couch pops another spring. And you’d rather your pal have that new shirt you saw at the store last week, right? Let’s think bigger—how do we react when our friends/neighbors/family move into their dream home while our own house is bursting at the seams and it’s time to do yet another repair “project”).

Let’s go on. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking OK, OK, stop already! I’m pretty sure I can be really rude when I don’t get my way. And if I had less pride, I could pull a couple of very recent examples right off the top of my head. And what about that whole self-seeking bit? Do we often put the interests of others above our own? NOT! Let’s just scratch the surface of what that means…how often do we use our spending money to bless someone else? Sacrificially, I mean. Blessing someone else when it pinches our wallets a bit? When we “needed” that $20 ourselves? Because it’s pretty easy to “give” when it doesn’t hurt ourselves. Now what about letting someone else “win” the argument when we know we are right! By the way, I have perfectionist tendencies, control-issues, and since I know right from wrong so well, I pretty much expect that everyone else should too. So, yeah, I know what I’m talking about here. J

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Wondering, just now, what possessed me to blog about this in the first place. I’m not the most quick-tempered person I know, but my husband might disagree. My kids might disagree also. And I may not hold grudges, but hey, I don’t have to, because I have a REALLY good memory!!

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. In other words, maybe we can’t be so quick to smile when (insert name) falls off their carefully built throne. Maybe we should grieve when (insert name again) has all their poor decisions catch up to them, rather than being the first to say “they deserved it!” Or maybe, instead of judging that nose-ring-wearing kid with the spiked hair, we be the first to welcome them to church—because after all, we actually want them to find the truth! To be set free by it! To experience the revolutionary love of Jesus (which, by the way, was consistently given to society’s rejects, by Jesus Himself).

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Seriously? Do you suppose Paul meant to write those words? We are to continually hope for the best? We keep giving love to (insert name) even though they never return it and it doesn’t seem to make a difference? We should protect those around us, rather than seeking to slander them? (I know we Christians never actually slander—we “vent” or we share “prayer requests”…our we politely gossip over lunch…but we certainly don’t “slander”. That’s malicious after all!)

And Paul goes on, wrapping up his thoughts, here, and reminded us to GROW UP (verse 11) because we are to put our childish ways behind us. So, back to this whole “love” thing…maybe we can step up and love our families. Y’know, be a little more patient with our kids, give into our spouses’ desires over our own for a day or two. But let’s stretch out a bit. How about to our extended family? Our parents, our siblings and their families, our IN-LAWS (caps used for my own benefit). Does this “love is unselfish” bit include holidays too? Yeah, it probably does. Christmas especially, since, after all, that’s when we’re celebrating Jesus and remembering God’s love for us in sending His Son to earth. Let’s go to the next ripple in our ever-widening circle. What about our friends at church, or those we don’t really like very well? What about the homeless guy who only comes for the free coffee and central heating? And that family that sits in the back—the ones who wear t-shirts and whose kids have stained clothes and are poorly behaved?

Let’s ripple out to the “non-Christians” next door—the biker guy and his live-in girlfriend? The unmarried couple on the other side; yeah, the ones with the kids or step-kids or whatever-they-are. What about that gay guy?

Let’s ripple farther to those of another political party? Maybe the left-wingers? Or the right-wingers? Maybe those of another race or ethnicity? Even another religion?

What about those in the Body of Christ who worship at another church? No, no, not your sister church—I mean the one who doesn’t quite believe the same way YOUR church believes. Or those folks who attend the mega church with its luxurious décor, its coffee bar and state-of-the-art sound system? Yeah, that church. Where all the rich people go who just want to feel good for going to church every Sunday. (Oops. That sounded dangerously close to pride again. And I might have just forgotten about the ‘rejoice in truth’ bit. WHO AM I to judge the hearts of a crowd just because their church is so large? And because they have a famous Pastor?) What about that tiny church down the street—the one that’s so dead, all it’s members are literally dying of old age? Or that one across town that our neighbor goes to, but we wouldn’t go there because they’re pretty dry—just not quite as far along as “our” church. Spiritually, I mean. Are all these groups of people in the SAME BODY OF CHRIST? Are we acting like it?

If we find these divisions among ourselves so easily, and if we can identify with them, why do we think we’re fooling “the world?” And what on earth is going to bring any of the “lost” into our doors? Because once they’re in, we’ll turn the key and lock it. We’ll explain why our church is the “only” one—or maybe we’ll say the “best” one. We’ll explain (politely) all they need to do to change and fit into our congregation. We’ll sign them up for the programs that need help, and explain how it’s “Christian duty”. And we’ll tell them all about the love of Christ. And we’ll get them baptized and sanctified and all that. We’ll hand them our favorite version of the Bible, it will, of course, be the “right” version, but if they happen to have another one at home, we’ll allow them to keep it too. We might even invite them to lunch! And hopefully, they’ll ignore our backbiting and gossiping and judging and selfishness and pride and arrogance and all that stuff, and they’ll stay. Because we need numbers, and we like to see people saved. (and if they hang around long enough, they might even start to tithe!) And of course, because they’ll see the victory we have in Jesus, and they’ll want some of it too. (As soon as they quit drinking, stop smoking, shed their extra earrings, cover up their tattoos, get married to their live-in, turn from the wicked ways, and follow Jesus, that is).

Maybe I’d better read back through the “love” chapter…and maybe I’d better read more about how Jesus “loved” others. I’m not sure I’ve got this down yet.

Overcast Friday...

This morning, glancing out the window just as daylight was arriving, I saw that it was going to be the perfect “soup day”. But what kind, what kind? I found beef in broth, frozen, from a roast made some time back. Perfect to use for dinner, along with “just enough” frozen veggies remaining in a bag. Add a jar of my home-canned, stewed tomatoes…I had all I needed on hand. Boy, I wish my dinner plans were always “that” easy! (For 2 years, I’ve resolved to do menu planning, and tried various systems…bottom line? Nothing has stuck yet. But I’m still tryin’) I also found a new recipe for “perfect” brownies to try…I cut ‘em really small, but I’ve already had 2. They’re really, really good. I’ll probably post the recipe today or tomorrow. It’s worth sharing!

And so, it is early evening…we have gray skies; the air is cold and crisp with a stiff breeze. We haven’t seen the sun today, and this morning, we had drizzly winter rain falling for a time. I love days like this—perfect for a loaf of bread, freshly baked; a pot of soup simmering on the stove; and a pan of home-made brownies, still warm from the oven. A cozy candle burns in the kitchen, adding another light layer of scent. Mmmmm, cranberry!

No, my days do not always flow smoothly…but today, despite a very fussy baby, things have rolled along without much difficulty. Until I sat down to blog, that is. LOL. I paint a peaceful picture…and for a few moments, the scene is as I paint it to be. But those blessed moments do not last. And dinner is, sometimes, PB & J sandwiches. Or (gasp!) a bowl of cold cereal. And then I resolve to do better, the next day.

My husband called; he’s late again, getting off work. Every day this week, he’s been at least an hour late coming home—the next shift people don’t come on time…his boss adds to an already full “to-do” list…various reasons. All amounting to, a tired Daddy and a tired Mama. And split-up mealtimes. But my husband will be happy to come home to some brownies, at least—I hope! And likely, a bowl of warm and hearty soup along with a thick slice of bread will hit the spot as well. Praise God that today, I was able to put together a meal worth coming home to!!!

Yup; 11:30--as my blog says, "may be written at midnight"...and here we are. Tonight my husband and I watched a movie (Netflix! Delivered to your door, no sifting through the lousy offerings at Blockbuster--even the DVD covers are inappropriate these days)...let's see...the name of it...can't remember. Jennifer Lopez and Robert Redford and Josh Lucas and Morgan Freeman. Set in Wyoming; ahhhh, what country! Beautiful ranchland, tiny little mountain town with a couple of cafes and one or two sheriffs. Oh, yes; "An Unfinished Life" was the title. Anyway, it reminded me of the simple life; living off the land, living in Creation (aka; Wyoming) as opposed to in the city (though cities do have some benefits, such as libraries!). Money wasn't so important...but family (whoever that entailed--whether birth, blood, or friendship) did. In the end, at least.

I love our home (despite the layout and poor traffic flow...and small, closed-off kitchen...etc), because it is ours and our family is here...and we have a decent yard, really, for city dwelling. But some days, I long for country. I long for air and space and land and beauty and nature and snow and mountains...or at least nature and land. I am thankful for what God has provided, and I do believe we are currently, planted where we belong. But movies full of scenery such as this; oh, how I can dream!

We belong to a small Body of Believers in a desperate neighborhood; we see those rejected by the world, finding a place to belong there. But my life is comfortable. Predictable. And maybe for now, it should be...but I am not doing enough. I am busy living...but am I busy with the right things? Homekeeping, Homeschooling...yes, yes, all important. But time isn't blocked out for "giving"--baking for a neighbor, helping out someone, donating "stuff"--and then illness creeps in and steals a week or two (2 adults, 3 kids, one house...yeah, we share the germs!). My kids were sick all week, my husband is sick now, and I'm fighting hard with EmergenC and colloidal silver...and rest (except tonight!). So anyway...life happens, day by day...week by week...month by month...and then a year passes. Then another. And I always think "later..." or maybe "next week"...but...life keeps going by. Is it enough to train my little ones? Is it enough to be busy with their care?

Pondering these things on the Eve of a New Year...knowing that busyness will again overtake me as soon as I start my "mountain" of laundry tomorrow. And put on the turkey and noodles to cook. But for now...these things fill my heart and deserved reflection. Time is not lost lingering here.

Over for another year...

So, Christmas is over for another year. Well, not completely...we now begin the "Twelve Days of Christmas" leading up to Epiphany on Jan 6. I am still getting used to that timetable, as I struggle *not* to take down my tree on Dec 26! And this year, my Christmas letters are going out this week...as they didn't get done before Christmas!

One thing I do shortly after Christmas is to sit down and review our days in November and December; I write out traditions that work, changes to be made, new gift ideas (especially of the homemade sort). And then I look through my holiday recipes (of which I have many!) and remove those that I decide I will *never actually* make...I jot down those I really want to try next year, and note which ones might make good gifts for our neighbor, or for friends. And this year, I realized that we had too many "snacks" yet not enough "side items" at my in-laws...so I noted that, and next year, I'll remember what to take.

Every year, I realize all the plans I had...and how many of them didn't happen! Kind of depressing, except that, we Moms simply cannot carry through all that we wish we could--not always. Because "life" happens. And living, is paramount, even to holidays. Oh, the craft ideas I found, which we never made...the scriptures we didn't read, the storybooks we didn't finish, the baking that didn't get done...time to let it go. Time to embrace a New Year, and cozy in for Wintertime. Still plenty of time for wintery crafts, lessons, baking etc.

I must remember to work harder at maintaining a good attitude next year--at my in-laws. Oh, I didn't *do* anything wrong, or *say* anything objectionable, and I kept a smile on my face. But it's a struggle, as I simply do not fit in. Our family systems operate very differently; the personality types are quite opposite those that are in my family. And there's the inevitable tension, as conversations occur...things are said...moments happen.

Indeed, the holiday Season is over for another year. But its Spirit remains, and lives on within our hearts. And that is our focus, as we prepare for the coming Season of Lent leading up to Easter...when the Joy of Christmas is temporarily replaced with sorrow as we remember our sins which were paid for by the horrible death of Our Lord...on the Cross. Then our full Joy returns on Easter morning, when we celebrate His miraculous rising and the full atonement made for us by the shedding of His blood!

Time to lay out cozy winter blankets as the Christmas decorations are put away...except for the snowmen and the scented candles, which will keep the home warm and snuggly throughout the dark winter as it sets in. And the candles in the front window. Those stay awhile longer as well.

Wintery weather setting in!

Ahhh, finally, it will feel like December again, here in the land of Oz. Outside, the rain is pattering on the roof and soaking into the parched ground. Tomorrow, I envision a day near the fireplace, cozy and crackling flames warming the room around us. Staying in. (Except for the Walmart run I have to make. And exchanging kids with my sister-in-law--she has my daughter, I have her son!). Cranberry candle burning, its scent drifting through the kitchen; Bing Crosby crooning out the Christmas songs in the background.
Perhaps I shall attack my list of treats to make--fudge being a priority! One batch PB and a batch or two of chocolate. That may depend upon how my teething toddler is doing--today was less than "good" and I'm hoping tonight offers better sleep than last night did. It also may depend upon how my laundry goes--as of now, I have 2 loads going and 2 lined up waiting. Kind of takes precedence, even the week before Christmas.
My wrapping is done--3 gifts per child doesn't take too long. (Hey, if 3 is good enough for Jesus, then surely, it will suffice for our children too). And hopefully their sweet little faces will still light up as the wrapping is torn off, on Christmas Eve. Then there will be stockings Christmas morning, before we set off to my in-laws for festivities. I'm so excited that Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday this year; what a lovely way to begin the holiday--exactly where we should be, celebrating the birth of Our King.

JOY??

Here we are...the week of JOY! Hmmmmm. My Monday morning is starting off a little "less than joyful" except that, JOY does not depend on circumstances. And so from that perspective, I can still be full of JOY inside, although there is bits of chaos around me. My baby girl didn't sleep well at all, which is not entirely uncommon, but nonetheless, makes for difficult mornings. My daughter slept well, yet is still grumpy this morning--hmmmm, could this just be her "new" self? Seems to be happening all too frequently these days. Also makes for difficult mornings...as...she doesn't want to apply herself to school lessons. Sure we do fun stuff, and she loves science or social studies, but the 3 Rs, are crucial, and it is these she fights. And then there is my middle child--my dear little son. He is at odds today because his sister doesn't want to play with him. And this is understandable, as she is 3 years older--and playing "cars" is simply not an inviting option for a nearly-8-yr-old girl! And I sit here, hoping to write a peaceful blog...to speak of twinkling Christmas lights, or the scent of cranberry wafting through the air...Christmas music filling our home (soon!)...but this is simply not the atmosphere here. Yet.

So the hope of peace here, of lessons learned at schoolwork, of Christmasy atmosphere enveloping us...of a good nap for my baby...these things might inspire JOY within me. Even though they are not yet achieved. But truly, the JOY comes whether my hopes are fulfilled today or not. For there is JOY in having children about my feet--children who are healthy and largely, happy. There is JOY in owning enough clothes to have overflowing laundry...there is JOY in the anticipation of some light Christmas baking to be done today...there is JOY simply because, this is the Season of JOY, as we look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ.

Today, I will turn on the cheery music, light the candles, prudently work on laundry, patiently break up the quarrels, work on school with my daughter, and happily bake my recipes. And I will spread JOY throughout my home. (Even though I cannot go back to bed. Which I really want to do!)

And I will go now, and make tea...to start it all off. Perhaps my holiday blend--whole leaf black tea with citrus and cinnamon lacing it. And a dash of milk...poured into a favorite Christmas mug. The red one, with a candy-cane striped handle, and the jolly snowman smiling on its front.

Blessings! (And JOY).